Father and daughter expect child together

A woman who tracked down her long-lost father in the US is now pregnant with his child.


Garry Ryan, 46, was tracked down by his daughter Penny Lawrence, 28, last year. He had left Ms Lawrence's mother when she was pregnant, so father and daughter had never met.


Following the death of her mother and the grandparents who raised her, Ms Lawrence, from Los Angeles, became obsessed with finding her father, and tracked him down to Houston, Texas.


Upon meeting, they felt an instant physical attraction, which resulted in a sexual relationship. Ms Lawrence is now pregnant with her father's child.




The couple claim that their attraction is the result of something called Genetic Sexual Attraction, a term coined in the 1980s to describe overwhelming feelings between blood relatives who first meet as adults.




Speaking with The Irish Sun newspaper, Ms Lancaster said: "We are not committing incest, but are victims of GSA. We’ve never experienced a father-daughter relationship, so we’re just like any other strangers who meet in adulthood."


The couple said that if the three month scan of their baby shows it does not have birth defects, they plan to keep the child and raise it together.




The couple are aware that their relationship is illegal, and are afraid the law will be used to separate them.


In the US, a sexual relationship between close blood relatives is illegal, although the specifics of incest laws vary between states. A close blood relative usually includes father, mother, brother and sister, aunt, uncle, niece and nephew but may also extend to first cousins, step parents and step brothers and sisters.




Several theories surround the phenomenon of GSA, including the notion that humans are frequently attracted to faces similar to their own.


It also embraces the theory that if two people who are genetically related do not meet until adulthood, the normal sexual aversion that develops between siblings during childhood is somehow switched off.




Indeed, GSA can affect parents separated from their own children at birth, as well as siblings. It does not refer to a genetic sexual attraction, but to the fact that people are genetically connected.


The emotions that GSA engenders are reportedly intense and all consuming, leading those affected by it to act against their interest to pursue a relationship with their relative.


There have been cases of mothers and sons, and long lost brothers becoming intimate under the compulsion of GSA.


The situation is reported to be quite common in reunions between adoptees.


The term GSA was coined in the 1980s by Barbara Gonyo after reuniting with the son she had given up for adoption.


Upon reuniting with him 26 years later, she was horrified to discover that she had feelings for him akin to those of a lover, rather than a mother. She investigated her own feelings about her son and wrote a book in which she coined the phrase Genetic Sexual Attraction.

Marriage Counseling Advice… Give Your Spouse Space to Breathe and Grow

When you’re married, the boundaries between yourself and your spouse aren’t always clear. For some people, marriage brings the expectation of spending as much time as possible with a spouse and doing most things together. In this model of marriage, the two people generally function as a single unit in thought and actions.

In other cases, individuals may not have learned healthy boundaries as children, and they may have been exposed to negative control on the part of adults in their life. In her book Facing Codependence, Pia Melody lists negative control as one of the secondary symptoms of codependence that affects your relationships with others. She defines negative control as giving yourself permission to determine someone else’s reality for your own comfort.

According to Melody, negative control “happens whenever I give myself permission to determine for another person what he or she should look like (including dress and body size), or think, feel, and do or not do!” There is also a flip side to negative control, which is “allowing someone else to control me.” Melody continues by stating, “Whenever I fail to determine for myself what I look like, what I think, what I feel, and what I do or don’t do, and allow someone else to control any of those things for me, I am participating in negative control.”
When you do not have healthy, distinct personal boundaries, you may try to change your spouse to be more like you want him/her to be to meet your needs and expectations. In so doing, you are dishonoring your partner and are not respecting his/her unique individuality and right to make choices. You are also failing to provide protected space so that your spouse’s individual growth and potential can flourish.
Couples who do everything together miss putting important spaces in their togetherness so that new, separate growth can occur. Without new growth and fresh input from each person, a relationship can stagnate and lack vitality.

It’s important for each spouse to have some time alone to pursue individual interests or enjoy being in solitude. Anne Morrow Lindberg, in her classic book, Gift from the Sea, states that “Only when one is connected to one’s own core is one connected to others, I am beginning to discover. And, for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be refound through solitude.” Solitude and time to “just be” can help each partner replenish energy and a sense of well-being.

Kahlil Gibran’s words about marriage in The Prophet have been quoted often through the years, but they keep their wisdom and meaning: “…let there be spaces in your togetherness. And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.” He continues by saying, “...And stand together, yet not too near together, for the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

When you crowd your partner and don’t give him or her breathing room, you run the risk of smothering the very relationship that is most important to you. Enjoy your togetherness, but also honor your individuality.

Marriage Guidance… 12 Steps to Creating an Affair-Proof Marriage

There’s no way to completely protect yourself from an unhappy marriage resulting from an affair on your part or your spouse’s, but there are defined steps you can take to greatly lower the probability of that happening.
It is important to know what you can do to strengthen your connection with your spouse and keep your relationship strong and healthy and avoid the risk of marriage trouble. A rewarding, satisfying marriage that meets the needs of both partners is your best protection against the marriage problems provoked by an affair.
So what can you do in order to “affair proof” your marriage as much as possible? The following twelve steps will direct you in building a stronger marriage and help you and your spouse to save the marriage needless stress due to infidelity:

1. Make your relationship with your spouse your number one priority when dealing with family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and others. Make a definite commitment of energy, time and effort to your marriage. You can end up torn in so many different directions and over-extended that your most valuable and precious relationship ends up as a casualty of a marriage crisis unless you make it a top priority.
   
2. Protect the emotional intimacy in your marriage.
   
   Make time to connect each day, not just about the events that have happened, but also about your feelings. Share on an emotional level—what you're afraid of, your frustrations, your disappointments, your joys, and your challenges. Let your spouse know how much you value being able to talk to him or her about anything and to connect on an emotionally intimate level.
3. Show your appreciation on a regular basis.
   
   Be generous with thank you’s and compliments. Tell your partner at least once a week how much you appreciate him or her and list the qualities that you admire, love and respect. Don’t worry if you’ve said these things before—no one gets tired of hearing their good traits recognized!
4. Spend time together doing things that are fun and just “hanging out.”
   
   Bonding can deepen when you and your mate have unstructured time to just hang out and relax together. If every minute of your time together is rushed and tightly scheduled, you’ll miss out on opportunities to be spontaneous. Look for enjoyable things to do—a picnic in the park, trying a new restaurant, a hike, going out dancing, or going swimming.
5. Keep an active sex life .
   
   Sometimes being fatigued or sick gets in the way of sexual desire, as does family stress such as caring for an ill or aging parent. Certainly the time and energy required to raise children can leave parents drained and “on empty.” In spite of these challenges, it’s important to make time for sex. The truth is that most spouses are more vulnerable to sexual advances and flirtations from others when their sex life at home is unhappy.
6. Discuss and resolve issues when they come up. Don’t just hide them or avoid trying to resolve them. Learn how you can disagree without being disagreeable and causing long-term harm to your relationship. Most importantly—communicate, communicate, communicate. Keep the communication channel wide open at all times to keep potential marital problems at bay.
   
7. Talk about the risk of infidelity and know that it can happen in any marriage.
   
   Bring the subject out into the open and show your feelings and deepest fears. Brainstorm with your partner about how you can keep your marriage strong and what the two of you believe would be helpful in preventing an affair from happening. Commit to telling your mate if you feel vulnerable or if things start getting out of control at any time in any situation. Many a couple facing marriage separation neglected to consider this.
8. Share with each other goals for the present and future that inspire you.
   
   When your spouse and you share common goals that you’re passionate about, you will feel closer to each other and more bonded. It helps you to feel like a strong team. The feeling of partnership is essential in deepening commitment to each other. Whatever your mutual dream is, the passion you bring in going after it can draw you closer together and help fix marriage problems before you need a marriage counselor.
   
9. Make wise choices about contact with the opposite sex at work and other settings.
   
   You may encounter special situations and temptations at business parties or on business trips for your work. Talk candidly with your spouse and agree on what you both feel comfortable with. If your spouse is on a business trip and the group goes out dancing, will you be upset if your spouse participates? Plan ahead and head off potential problems so that you may never need marriage counseling to fix your marriage or to stop divorce.
   
10. Know the danger signs.
    
    Many an affair has started with individuals sharing intimate personal information with each other on a regular basis without confiding in their respective spouses. Intimacy can mushroom quickly when secrecy is involved and a feeling of connection develops. Additional danger signals are having increased sexual excitement about seeing a particular person, being in settings with plenty of alcohol and drinking when your spouse isn’t present, and being more susceptible than usual due to feelings of rejection, loneliness, or anger at your spouse.
11. Celebrate your love, birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions.
    
    Value your marriage and take advantage of every chance to celebrate, such as your wedding anniversary, your spouse’s birthday, the date that you met, and any other special days that the two of you share. This helps to keep the romance strong and also to keep your connection alive. A good marriage guidance counselor will tell you to celebrate your love, your plans for the future, your time together, and the priceless present moment.
    
12. Support each other’s dreams and goals.
    
    Make a commitment to help your spouse be all that she or he is capable of being. Your relationship is only strengthened when you are both happy and fulfilled with your life. It’s to your advantage to help your spouse reach goals that are important to her or him, even if they aren’t your particular goals. Be encouraging and positive of your spouse’s desires to live up to his or her potential.

By adhering to these twelve principles, you will minimize the risk of a troubled marriage ending with marital separation due to infidelity.

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Repair Marriage... How to Minimize Hurt Feelings When You and Your Spouse Disagree